The Blame Game

Yesterday I sat in my college classroom jaw wide open, stunned.

In class we were read a fictional story about a baron and baroness. Let me see if I can give you a quick summary.

Baron tells baroness he needs to go to town for the day and she is to stay in the castle while he is away. Baroness decides she will make the servants let down the drawbridge so she can leave and return before the baron would ever know. She goes to spend the day with her lover. On her return a mad man is wielding a knife at the entrance of her drawbridge. Threatening he will kill her if she tries to pass.

Flustered she goes to her lover for help. He denies her wish. Then she goes to a friend, denied again. Next to a boatman, denied again. Out of idea she tries to go back and find a way past the mad man. He kills her.

OK, the question was asked to us (a mixed classroom of ages 18-45 or so) Who is the most at fault for the baroness's death? And who is the least?

Well, immediately my brain decided...technically or morally speaking?! Technically the mad man is responsible because he literally murdered her.  Morally it's the womans own fault. Had she listened to her husbands command in the first place she would still be alive and safe. Her greedy desires to step out came with fatal consequences. Duh!

What came next not only stunned me in my chair but made my stomach just churn.

One young girl stood up and with passion and proceeded to boast about had her husband fulfilled her needs she wouldn't need to be searching for a lover to fill her needs. Her husband is completely at fault!!!

Next, an older woman stands and says "The servants are to blame! They should have never let her out of the castle!"

And then "It's the lovers fault! He should have tried to help her, especially is he is sleeping with her!"

And on and on the wild blame went...they all had one thing in common...nobody thought for a moment this tragedy was a consequence  of poor decision making. 

Regardless of what is going on around you, you are the only one is full control of yourself and your actions.

I look around at a culture that looks to anyone or anything else to blame for their misfortune. A mentality that 'I couldn't possibly have had anything to do with these messes I continue to find myself in!

When my son was learning to walk a family member made a comment that has forever been engraved in my brain.  My son was walking along, lost focus of what he was doing and ran into a coffee table and began to cry. She swooped him up in a nano second and began to hit the table yelling "bad table! bad table! That table hit you!" Now, knowing this persons child who grew up to be the epitome of someone who can do no wrong...I could see why.  Nothing, not one thing was ever their fault! 

We as a culture are teaching the next generations that there is no need to take responsibility for our actions.  You can just blame something or somebody else and its off you and now their problem.

Have you ever dealt with someone like this?! It is incredibly frustrating!

The best thing we can do for our children and those lose to us is allow them to see their mistakes every once in a while and give them some tools to try and make a positive change. Take responsibility when you mess up. Own it, better it and change it.

We can't change the whole world. But we can all start by looking inward and changing ourselves.