Grateful for the Awesomesauce

I had the most incredible, overwhelming sense of joy, gratitude, fierce love, and humility wash over me just moments ago.  I was doing my normal routine...walking around the house, fixing this, oganizing that before I head off to my last day of school this week.

I quickly found myself standing with trash in one hand, random toys and objects in the other, staring admirably at a little pink and purple plastic purse find with my 5 year olds monies.  Her piggy bank. It overwhelmed me an I froze.

I could see her in that purse.  The way she loves it, carries it around, constantly begging me to count her money she has earned. I just began to sob and wanted to soak in that little cheap plastic purse.  I began to peer from corner to corner in their playroom...talking aloud about all of the little things they obsess over and make them who they are.  The way my somw ill perfectly line up and organize his various "collections" of whateve he may be into at that stage...its beem trains, dinosaurs, cars, more cars, lots of cars, books, whatever.

I stood there paralyzed with a full heart and just mutterd "They love me so much."  This may sound like a weird thing to say but all of the joy and pride that built up inside my heart just overflowed and made me think of how incredible it was that these two perfect little monsters choose to love me. I am so lucky to have them.

I am beyond grateful for these moments.  One of my biggest fears is that I won't truly absord how wonderful these years truly are.  Stress, responsibilities and the thought that our family isn't quite a whole can be sucha distraction at times.  Not today.  I am fully present. Fully aware of the awesomeness that is my life as their Mom.

My not-so-fancy playroom. Oh, but the joy and memories that come from this awesome space.

(Any fellow OCDers feel the need to jump through the computer and straighten the rug like I do?!)

*Side note: I have friends that have not been able to have the blessing to be a Mommy.  My heart breaks for them and I admire the strength and courage they show every day. I write this not to be insenstitive of their struggles but to let them know I do not take this blessing for granted. Nothing hurts more than to hear someone complain of something you would give your life to have.  Thank you for graciously allowing me to share my joy.

Parking Lot Blues

I'm sitting here in the parking lot fighting tears. Not wanted to pull away because they'll be farther from my love, my hugs, my "it's going to be ok's".

My babies just started Kindergarten and 1st grade. I'm normally the tough mommy who doesn't cry and thinks the other mommies are just softies! Well, I get it now.

Both are grown. No more daycares and diapers. No more toddler rooms or baby side of the church nursery. We are independently riding school busses and doing everything all by themselves!

Although I am sad and secretly wish they still needed me in the same way they used to, I am so proud of how strong and capable they have grown to be.

So I'll sit here like a big dummy blogging from my cell phone because I can't pull away. Not just yet.

I am so incredibly grateful for these 2 sweet children I have the honor of raising. It is an overwhelming task at times but by far my greatest. I look forward to each new first day of school, new friend, milestones, and everything else this crazy life can throw at me. I can't even put into words how blessed I feel right now.

*sigh*

Ok...it's time. I've spent all morning encouraging my little ones to be big kids and be brave! Now I need to take my own advice and put the big girl panties on! Thanks for listening and going through this growth moment with me!

Off I go! (slowly...)

Ok, for real now... I'm seriously going.

For real.

Now.

Ok, NOW!

BOOM! 1st Miracle DONE...In Under 5 hours!

If you read my last post you know I was waiting on some miracles to come down from above in a pretty desperate time of need...

Well, one specific needed miracle was child care for my kids twice a week. More specifically, cheap child care that can be at my house to get kids off bus until I can get home after my school.  I called and called so many different places and the cheapest I could find was $400/month for 2 days!!! What the?!  Everything else was upwards of $570+ per month.  There is just no way I can fit this in the budget, God! Hellooo?!

I was out taking the kids to visit the horsies...a daily ritual. We live in a small home built in the 1950's that sits on 40 acres of horse farm.  It is a barn co-op and there are some lovely people who come and go to care for their horses.  We just live here and let my daughter live out her dream to be living with horses. :) All the joys of barn living without the work and mucking stalls! Yeehaw!

Anyway, as we were walking in I saw a familiar face that I don't often run into.  Something told me to stop, turn around and just throw out my need and see what bites.  So, I did exactly that.  Ready for this?!

There is one other small home just a hop skip and a jump from ours on the back of the property.  This womans mother just moved in and is terribly lonely...and looking to feel useful.  :-D  We discussed the details and not only can she but her daughter said she is going to be so excited to have something to give her a sense of community, worth and contribution! So, I will pay her a fraction of the daycare costs and she is pumped about it! 

Not only did I get blessed but our need ended up blessing someone else financially and emotionally!  Instead of Hellllo God???  I need to be saying Helloooooo God!!!!!

I posted my need exacly 5 hours ago to the minute. Crazy the way he works.  Grateful.  thank you, Lord, for your promises!