Knight In Shining Prius

Last night sucked.

My little boy spiked a fever out if nowhere and it wouldn't quit. I finally got it to stop with Tylenol after quickly approaching 103.2.

I posted in Facebook asking if anyone had experienced such a quick and hard hitting fever.

Within seconds my phone was beeping like the NASA control center at launch time! Texts, comments, private messages, phone calls...I couldn't keep up!

Within 3 minutes my phone is ringing (from Mr. Boy I told you about a while back that I ordered to date another woman....lol...if you missed that blog ya gotta hop back a few and read That Lovely Gentleman I Was Tellin' Y'all About post. Funny stuff)

He's on the line and before I can say hello he's asking "what do you need and how can I help?" Without so much as a moments hesitation he hopped in his car for a 30+ minute drive to scoop us up and accompany us to the ER.

I swear a little gray Prius has never looked so wonderful. I'm used to making these awful trips alone. This time it would have been trying to carry two sleepy children in the dow pour of rain and maneuver the Emergency Room shenanigans a hot mess!

Ah, but up strolled the Prius and a stand in parent for the night. I was so relieved.

All day today follow up texts, posts, messages poured in checking on my little guy.

I am so thankful for community. So thankful there are people who care beyond just themselves and their needs.

What could have been a terrible, lonely, wet night turned out to be full of ER room laughs, tons of love and warm fuzzies.

Highlight moment: Pulljng away from hospital as goofball Mr. Boy is screaming "I don't feel safe at hoooome! I don't feel safe at hooooome!" (Finding fun in the nurse needing to ask us this question for typical safety protocol) I swear I was dying, waiting to see the flashing lights.

All in all... Good community is rad. Thanks, good folks of my little community. Y'all are good stuff.

The Fricken Facebook Freaks, Man!

Let's face it... we are all somewhat guilty (some of us more than others!) of carefully staging our Facebooks accounts.  You so know what I mean.  Only the stuff that makes us appear happy, whimsical and if goofy, it must be the cute, adorable kind. How often do we say "Aww, look at my muffin top there! I bet so many more people can relate to me now!"  Um, no.

I am admitting I fall into this category as well. I'm faster than the Kenyans in the Olympics when I see that a friend has posted a less than stunning photo of me! Boom! Gone! Holy crap, that makes my heart sink!

Then there are the nights (cough, cough, like this one) where you feel you might combust if you look at one more happy engagement announcement, birth or exotic vacation others proudly plaster across Facebook for all to drool over.  Now, don't get me wrong here, I genuinely enjoy when good things come to others. Especially those I love. But, can we admit sometimes Facebook is just fake and leaves us feeling like everyone else has their poo sooo together that we look like the house of rejects? 

Sometimes I ponder starting a Facebook challenge.  A movement of sorts.  The only problem is I don't think there would be enough people willing to take the risk.

What if you saw a photo of that one person you swear has a picture perfect life completely disheveled and in their natural state.  The real deal. Maybe no make up and perfect poses to accentuate their beauty points and hide any possible flaw.  What if the girl you feel you can't ever measure up to posts about her muffin top!  What if everyone just got real for a day.

Can ya imagine the awesomeness. I picture it a little like this: "Weeeehoooo! I just farted so dang loud and nasty I cleared out the whole house!"  or maybe "I haven't brushed my teeth in a good 4 days."  Maybe a day when all women choose to embrace flaws and post a pic of themselves with no make up. Taking off the masks and allowing some vulnerability and truth.

We are so busy keeping up with one another in all departments, (clothing, beauty, hair tricks, freakin' Pinterest recipes and DIY junk.)  Are we really doing this for our own enjoyment and satisfaction?  Would it still be something you would spend hours on if you couldn't post it to Instagram, Facebook Twitter and your blog for all to see?!

I have always been the pretty girl. ...please, let me finish before writing me off...hold on!  It's all I've really ever been known for or at least noticed for.  So, I have always felt this need to play into others' expectations.  If I wasn't playing up the perfect looks and body than what was I really good for anyway?  Give the people what they want and deem valuable, right?

Well, a lot has changed and I find myself challenged to accept myself in a less than perfect state.  Illness has changed my appearance in many negative ways, taking away what I have found as my worth.  Sure, I can load up the make up and dress very strategically to pull of "I've still got it" but why in the world do I want to be that girl?

I have awful acne scars, I have gained enough weight to earn myself a nice jiggly muffin top of my own and 9x out of 10 I am looking like a complete bum (unless I know someones is looking, of course). 

Perhaps I'm too chicken myself to go through with the challenge, I really don't know. But, I do know I am tired of comparing myself to the seemingly perfect world of Facebook beauty, happiness and freakin' Martha Stewarts.  Seriously?   I mean are these chicks for real?

What I do know...1. I do have much more to offer than the package it is all rolled up into.  And I need to surround myself with those who love me muffin top and all. 2.  I can compare myself to these Facebook showcases or just realize we all have flaws and love my little humble life. 3. Comparison is the thief of joy.  There is no way to be content in your own life if you are constantly comparing what you don't have to what other "seem" to have. 

What are your thoughts? Do you experience this?  Are you willing to admit you feed into the madness? 

I'm Pretty Sure You Aren't Supposed to Cry Like A Baby While On A Date...

Yesterday was my Birthday. :)  Happy Birthday, me.

I had a date planned with a lovely gentleman I have been dating for a couple of months now.  We sat over a nice, relaxing lunch in Midtown swapping stories, laughing, teasing and carrying on.  He had gotten up and I pulled my cell phone out to soak up all the sweet Birthday wishes via text, Facebook, etc.  I was glowing as he returned and he looked at me like I was a nut.

Quickly my glow turned to what I think must have looked like a look of concern maybe.  He begins to probe "Babe, what is wrong?"  I start to tear up and turn red. "Hun, please, what is going on? Are you ok?" Now I'm fully crying staring at the glow of my screen. I need to get to my tissues in my purse and can't quite get words out. So I just hand him my phone as I wipe my running mascara and watch his face sweep a sweet smile across and hand me my phone back.

See, a few days ago I was in a rough spot. Feeling overwhelmed by my struggles and succumbed to feeling defeated.  I post a blog entry spilling my feelings over this hardship.  Well, apparently, unknowingly to me, someone very special was reading it on the complete opposite side of the country.  Someone I know very little but have come to appreciate very much.

As I sobbed like an idiot over my lunch I read this Facebook message: (I have deleted any names for privacy.

"I have been reading your blogs lately, which are so wonderfully written! I can relate in many ways. I struggled in college with money all the time! My husband and I lived off of Del Taco, I swear! And I was raised by a single mom, so I totally understand the stress that can bring. Being a mom is hard enough, I can't imagine doing it alone. Well, after a TON of hard work, my husband and I are in a place where we can afford to help out others here and there. I logged on to Facebook today and saw it was your birthday, and I think you deserve some pampering. I know you are in Georgia, so I went to yelp and found a fabulous spa and bought you a massage. I am obsessed with massages, I hope you are too! The gift card will be sent to your email and you can print it out and take it to the spa (Please let me know if you have any problems getting it).They have several locations around Georgia so hopefully you can find one close to you. I included enough for gratuity, so you are all set. Have a wonderful birthday...and remember you are a rockstar Mama!!"

I am tearing up all over again as I read it now.

Let me tell you what this did for me...besides hook a mama up with a fancy schmancy massage that I'm super pumped about!  No, it gave me so much more. I was floored that my words, my struggles, my efforts may, just may have touched someones heart.  Someone cared about me enough to feel compassion and take action to someone they barely know. It  gave me hope, encouragement, excitement and an overwhelming humble, grateful heart.

The love and compassion shown through this angel of a woman has lifted my spirits and shown me love that I very much needed.  As a single mom there aren't many people around to pat you on the back and let you know you are doing a good job. Especially when your family is in another state and the other parent is no help and is degrading and awful. It can leave you feeling insignificant and like you are constantly runnin on empty.

All in all I wanted to share this amazing gesture, my gratitude and hope. I will surely be paying this forward the moment my situation allows me to.  I hope this inspires someone to reach out in kindness as this lovely woman did to me. :)

t.h.a.n.k.y.o.u.

(bitter)Sweet Success

Yesterday was a life changing day for me.  I decided to go back to school at the age of 28 to give a shot at bettering my little families future.  I would study my passion, American Sign Language to become an ASL Interpreter. 

My first year was challenging as a "Non-Traditional" college student but I made it through all of the prerequisites for taking the dreaded, very much rumored about "Interview" process into "The Program."  The Program was talked about like gold in our classrooms.  One day we would all face our fears and see if we measured up to the standard of THE PROGRAM.  You see, if you make it passed your interview and get accepted, you are on an intense schooling journey toward your career goal in our field.

July 31 at 3:20pm.  I was scheduled to see if I could hang with the big kids.  I felt calm and cool but secretly thought I'd get cut for some random fatal mistake or something dumb.  We wouldn't know our fate for up to possibly a week until we would get the "congratulations" email or the "We regret to inform you" bit. I was fighting nerves.

I did the little dance and performed like a trained monkey, I wanted this so badly. I would have stood on my head had they asked.  This was my hope, our future. Our chance at a better life.  I left feeling fairly confident but petrified at the same time.  What's done was done and know it was in their hands.

I prayed that God would clear the path for me if it was meant to be and take my worry and help me find peace.  Funny enough, it worked!  I put the anxiety behind me and pulled up the big girl panties.

So, of course, I was checking my email contantly eventhough I was positive they would make me wait until the last minute of the week deadline.  Well, to my surprise...It was in my inbox.  Today.  Merely 24 hours after my interview.  My heart literally started pounding out of my chest.  My body got hot and flushed and I thought I was going to cry.

And there it was...Congratulations!!! I was in!  I had done it! My kids were on the floor watching tv as my life changed forever. They were clueless as to what this meant for us and I was just sitting there about to explode in happy tears!  i picked up the phone and called my mom instantly. I needed to feel supported. I needed someone to care. I needed to matter.  Of course, mom was amazing. She giggled when I giggled and ohhhhhhed and ahhhhhhed all at the appropriate times.  My mom is wonderful like that.  I immediately climbed on Facebook and announced it to the world waiting for all of the kind words to flood my soul.  They did and it was so satisfying.

But then a few minutes go by and I'm feeling the excitement wear down a bit and a little sadness creep in.  I was walking around my house just lonely.  This was one of those moments where being a single mom (or just single, I guess) sucks. From the bottom of my soul I wanted someone to look at me, proud and throw their arms around me to celebrate.  Maybe even a nice dinner to make it special. But none of that happened. The day went on with sibling fights, trash needing to be taken out, dinner to be served and so on. I put the kids to bed and just fought the feeling of emptiness. Sometimes a wonderful event loses it's sparkle without someone to share it with.

I always end up giving myself the pep talk that convinces myself I'm just fine. It goes something like this... "You don't NEED someone, self.  You're ok.  One day when someone is there you will appreciate all the better!  Just let your pride in yourself be enough for right now and keep plugging along.  One day at a time and kick some booty while doing it!!!"

As much as I believe this is good advice and will follow it soon...right now it just sucks. I'm just not there yet. Maybe tomorrow will be a new mercy and I will tackle the blues and move on.  But, for tonight it's a sad face and pity party of 1.