Snarglebarf...

...means I have no words...

Tonight my heart was rocked. 

An email came to me through the women I volunteer with at church saying there was a single mom with 5 children who had landed on some difficult times and would not be able to provide gifts for her children this Christmas.

This familiar deep deep rooted mixture of wild emotions washed over me and I knew I had to jump in both feet first.

See, for the past 2 years I have been in her shoes. I am a single mom and first time college student, trying desperately to earn a better life for my family.  If we couldnt afford to barely keep up with rent or a new coat during the winter, Christmas gifts were surely out of the question.

I have looked my (then) 6 year old son in the face and as gently as Ipossibly could, explained that we would not be exchanging gifts that year but that I knew his grandparents would do their best to try an make is special with a few things when we got down there. (Still wasn't sure how I was going to buy the gas to actually get them there)

My son looked me in the eye and without budging said :It's ok, mommy. I'm okay with just a few things from Grandma and Papa. Mom, do you want to have my money from my piggy bank? You can have it!" 

I just cried happy tears that my boy was learning what is really important in this life. Not the gifts and shiny things, but love. Family. Compassion. Grace. My heart was overflowing.

Even now I'm not sure how we will make it through the holidays but that is not even on my worry radar screen. God has been so merciful and gracious to my little family.

I am mostly excited (like ridiculously excited) to play a small role in knowing the joy, the love that this other single mom will get to experience when her whole list is completely filled by strangers who support her! THAT is the good stuff.  THAT is Christmas.  THAT is love.  ove should be a verb. You DO love. SHOW love. BE love.

This, my friends, is what I live for. What an incredibly meaningful night.

I am so grateful that I am learning how to live a joyous life through loving and serving others. It is truly unlike anything I have ever known.

Seeing People As A Story (Throwback Thursday, Oct. 2008)

(Originally blogged October 2008)

So I have been reading “The Relationship Principles of Jesus” by Tom Holladay, a pastor from Saddleback Church in Lake Forrest CA.

I have been learning about how to love like Jesus and value relationships as they shoud be, the way Jesus did.

Confession…one of the more recent chapters I have read is about judging others. It teaches that we are not to be the judge of others, God is the only true and just judge. Well, let me tell ya…sometimes I feel like I am 24/7 in the world of like American Idol where anyone who steps in my path is just asking for it! And sometimes you think by the way people dress or act that maybe they are!

I can be cold in my thoughts toward a stranger on the street by automatically judging them in anyway…clothing, language, presentation…oh i am good..or bad really! So, today I was at the gym and I am not sure how or why this happened but I saw a woman running and instead of a quick “innocent” judgement, I thought to myself…hmmm…she has a story.

It was really a great way to help me from making an unfair, unkind judgement to take a second and see her as a story. So now, if I see someone who is rude or angry…something made them that way…they have a story….and maybe I can take a second and have compassion for them rather than just write them off.

I think if we remember to see everyone as a story it will help us be less critical and quick to judge!

Hopefully I can remove my head from my rear end long enough to make this a habit! Otherwise…just don’t wear or do anything stupid around me…youre just asking for it! Just kidding…kinda.

I'm So Fancy...

So I blogged...but I'm so fancy it's exclusively found at ... Project: Underblog

Click on this here link, folks to eavesdrop on my thoughts...

Mrs. Lady Jane (Throwback Thursday Feb/2008)

I met Mrs. Lady Jane today by accident. No, literally…she hit our car.

I was at the docks waiting to go test my dads new super cool boat out when it took longer than expected so the girls decided to go get food for everyone. So my friend Kenessa, my brother’s girlfriend, Jenny and I hopped into Kenessa’s car to get some grub. K drove and I sat shotgun with Jenny in the backseat of the compact car. Anyway, on our way back (we were only like 4 miles from the dock) all of the sudden we look over and notice that the car to our right (it was only a 2 lane road) was coming over and in that slight second you think “surely they will correct their mistake and get back…crash!” We all screamed as this little old lady sandwiched us with her big old station wagon.

Immediately I went into emergency mom mode and checked on Kenessa’s ability to hold it all together (by the way…she handled it like a rockstar) and began to asses the situation and lead her off to the side of the road. After realizing we were all unharmed my focus went to “who is this person and what am I going to have to fight against to prove this was not our fault!” Well, out stepped sweet old Jane. Sure, she was old as dirt and probably shouldn't even have had a license… but I could not help but reach out. She fumbled and shook and just apologized profusely. She was so upset with herself and embarrassed.

We made the appropriate phone calls and waited for the police. It must have been slammin’ in the ghettos of the old Palm Coast because they sure did take their time. So during our good hour with Mrs. Jane we began to get to know her story. After not too long I realized this meeting was no “accident.”

Mrs. Jane was on her way home from visiting her dying husband in hospice. He is suffering from demetia. She has 2 family members left but they live across the nation and in her words her and her husband were not fortunate enough to have children, so she is alone.

She had made a statement that she had never been in an accident before so me, trying to lighten her load made a comment about what a great driving record she must have and she should be proud.

Well, she says (only to break my sappy heart) that she has never driven much because her husband alwaysdid that for her and now he is unable. How romantic and tragic at the same time. (She STILL shouldnt have that dang license though! hehaaa)

So after our time together and caring and loving on Mrs Lady Jane we said goodbye but not before we shouted to her “Oh, by the way, you have just adopted 3 grand daughters today!” She smiled and almost cried. We told her to call us if she needed assistance or just a friend. She seemed so genuinely appreciative and was happy to tell us that she would take us up on our offer.

Now, we are not superheroes or ultra wonderful people. We are average, young girls but it was neat to watch God use us. The whole time I was with her I kept wanted to invite her to church…granted the bass and drums may but her bedside to her husband…I think she would love the company. (I thought I might wait til after this Sunday’s pornography/sex study…but then I guesss you never know! so kidding.)

You just never know someone’s story. I wonder what it would be like if we took the time to get to know one another. How many people could you reach and touch? Do you trust God that He will make you capable to offer something so great to one another?

It was a neat experience and so funny that all 4 of us walked away from this situation feeling love, trust, respect, compassion, pride, and so much joy. It was a freakin’ car accident! Hello? Did it shake our brains a little too much? How cool when you let yourself see the light in the midst of a dark situation. Give it a try! You may surprise yourself! I did.

Goodnight, Mrs. Lady Jane. We will say special prayers for you tonight.

Being In Need

Being in need can pretty much suck. Knowing that you aren't making the ends meet, falling short, having to admit that you alone are not enough. And of all things...to provide for you and your children.  How is it that on person can devote every fiber, bone and feeling they have toward something yet still fall short?!

Well, as often as those frustrating thoughts run through my head...sometimes I have moments like now that I cling to.  This week, being in need has provided me with more love than I think I have felt in a very very long time.

Sometimes being in need gives those who love a chance to shine.  And oh how bright and beautiful it is when they do.

This week was a particularly difficult one. Very few people knew the depths of the issues. Usually I keep people in the dark on purpose. Smile and remember to be grateful, don't bog others down with your neediness!!!

Well, a couple of situations presented themselves and I was exposed. Quite vulnerable.

What unfolded throughout the rest of the week was healing, hopeful and pure love. Friends and family coming alongside, wanting absolutely nothing in return...all because they love me.

Every now and again a realization like this works wonders on the soul.

Thank you to those people who have given us your love. I cherish it.