It's A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving!

A few years back I found myself married, with all of our family on the opposite coast...wondering what to do with ourselves for this awkward Thanksgiving holiday coming up.  We couldn't travel home because of work, sooooo.....hmmm.

I come from a huge family. At least 45+ people each Thanksgiving. Every type  of turkey you can imagine and gut busting portions of all the necessary trimmings! How was I going to transition from that?

So, I had an idea. A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Surely that had to be others out there with nowhere to go for this holiday! Hmmm, maybe I could open our home to those in our lives that for one reason or another would be alone during this time of family and friends!

I began to make phone calls and reach out. The response was moving. Each person that accepted the invite felt...valued. They had somewhere to be now. Somewhere they belonged. Somewhere they mattered.

That morning I was up at the butt crack of dawn fiddling with this big ole turkey. Something which I had zero experience with!  Just for fun I stuck it on our George Forman grill and took a picture of me looking confused"cooking" it and sent it to my mother! Of course she and my Grandmother believed I could be that dumb in the kitchen! Classic.

As the day went on my heart began to fill. First, a friend from my ex husbands work showed up with some quiche casserole dish...so proud that he made it himself...he took a seat at our less than impressive table. A bit later a man who was working away from his family and making a temporary home in his office strolls through hesitantly, takes a seat at the table and begins to realize he fits it. Later, a lonely soul who had burned the bridge with family comes and joins the table...and by ttime dinner was ready I walked out to find a table full of love. Acceptance. I knew this was what my home was to be from now on. Open arms.

So, obviously, I am now divorced. Each year the kids go with their dad for Thanksgiving. I tend to stick to myself and not do the big family shindig. I tried in one year post divorce without the kids and somehow all it did was magnify my loneliness.

So, this year...I'm bringing back the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and I could not be more excited! A very good friend of mine is opening up his home and we are opening our arms this holiday. I am so eager to see who ends up around our little table this year...from all different walks of life...different friends from different decades, forming new memories...together.

Maybe there is someone you could open your arms to this Thanksgiving?

The Blame Game

Yesterday I sat in my college classroom jaw wide open, stunned.

In class we were read a fictional story about a baron and baroness. Let me see if I can give you a quick summary.

Baron tells baroness he needs to go to town for the day and she is to stay in the castle while he is away. Baroness decides she will make the servants let down the drawbridge so she can leave and return before the baron would ever know. She goes to spend the day with her lover. On her return a mad man is wielding a knife at the entrance of her drawbridge. Threatening he will kill her if she tries to pass.

Flustered she goes to her lover for help. He denies her wish. Then she goes to a friend, denied again. Next to a boatman, denied again. Out of idea she tries to go back and find a way past the mad man. He kills her.

OK, the question was asked to us (a mixed classroom of ages 18-45 or so) Who is the most at fault for the baroness's death? And who is the least?

Well, immediately my brain decided...technically or morally speaking?! Technically the mad man is responsible because he literally murdered her.  Morally it's the womans own fault. Had she listened to her husbands command in the first place she would still be alive and safe. Her greedy desires to step out came with fatal consequences. Duh!

What came next not only stunned me in my chair but made my stomach just churn.

One young girl stood up and with passion and proceeded to boast about had her husband fulfilled her needs she wouldn't need to be searching for a lover to fill her needs. Her husband is completely at fault!!!

Next, an older woman stands and says "The servants are to blame! They should have never let her out of the castle!"

And then "It's the lovers fault! He should have tried to help her, especially is he is sleeping with her!"

And on and on the wild blame went...they all had one thing in common...nobody thought for a moment this tragedy was a consequence  of poor decision making. 

Regardless of what is going on around you, you are the only one is full control of yourself and your actions.

I look around at a culture that looks to anyone or anything else to blame for their misfortune. A mentality that 'I couldn't possibly have had anything to do with these messes I continue to find myself in!

When my son was learning to walk a family member made a comment that has forever been engraved in my brain.  My son was walking along, lost focus of what he was doing and ran into a coffee table and began to cry. She swooped him up in a nano second and began to hit the table yelling "bad table! bad table! That table hit you!" Now, knowing this persons child who grew up to be the epitome of someone who can do no wrong...I could see why.  Nothing, not one thing was ever their fault! 

We as a culture are teaching the next generations that there is no need to take responsibility for our actions.  You can just blame something or somebody else and its off you and now their problem.

Have you ever dealt with someone like this?! It is incredibly frustrating!

The best thing we can do for our children and those lose to us is allow them to see their mistakes every once in a while and give them some tools to try and make a positive change. Take responsibility when you mess up. Own it, better it and change it.

We can't change the whole world. But we can all start by looking inward and changing ourselves.

Juicy Juicy Post...

...so not in a yummy yummy way.  For all the details...

Today's post is featured on Project Underblog! 

Throwback Thursday! (I Heart This One!)

This is a blog entry from about 4 years ago, immediately following an awful divorce and moving in with my parents. Children were barely 1 and 3...


What True Love Looks Like...

"So at first glance all you seem to be looking at is a random office desk, some files and a microwave…right? Not to me. You see…look at the left hand side of the photo and you will see a unopened water bottle gently placed atop a randomly placed microwave…amongst office supplies…strange…? Not to me. …let me go back a step…follow me here…
For those of you who do not know…I have recently moved in with my children to my mother and fathers home due to a recent divorce. Life has been tough but we are loved and extremely grateful to have the unconditional support we receive in this home. So…my 2 children and I share one bedroom and on nights when I need extra good sleep…which is pretty much every night…my dad allows me to crash on the bed in his office to escape the nighttime grunts and moans of the children….
keep followin me here…
Oftentimes my dad will hear me make my nightly trips (or super early trips) down to the fridge…making a bottle like a zombie…sticking it in the microwave and trying to rush back up the stairs without injuring myself in my sleepy stuper to get the bottle in the mouth before one child wakes the other…exhausting.
So…today I come up to my little office getaway (which is usually less than relaxing with papers flying from one end to the next)…to find everything at peace, organized, and restful…so I thinking “wow, dad was ambitious today!”…and then I look over and my heart melted. He had done this for me.
Strategically placed between the desk and the filing cabinet is a lovingly placed microwave…for heating the midnight bottle… along with an unopened bottle of water…to keep me from having to run the gauntlet. He never says a word, just wants to show love.
Some people want diamonds or elaborate vacations…this is true love."

Searching for Hope in Hospice

Friday night I had the honor of being asked to come and pray with a friend and her family.  The honor came in that it was in the most difficult time if their lives together as a family. Her sister had been admitted to hospice that morning and the family was in need of a miracle.

As I made the drive to the facility my mind was racing with what to possibly expect.  I have had little to no experience in these type of situations and was so afraid I'd say something completely stupid. Was I equipped to offer anything helpful to this family?

I arrived about 7:30pm and my friend met me at the entrance. She looked thin from worry, sad yet happy to see a familiar face.

She walked me in and I took note of the sanctuary, family coping rooms and other sobering realities. Deep breaths and silent prayers as I walked the halls.

I was introduced to all of the family but everything changed when I met her mother.  A sweet, short, blonde woman with puffy red eyes and a twinge of hope as she gazed at me.  It hit me as she began talking...I was the "Church friend" and could maybe, just possibly prayer that special prayer to bring her daughter back to health.  I think at this point this woman, this family was looking to anyone who could possibly help in their desperation.

I felt overwhelmed. I kept reminding myself that God can use me even if I feel incompetent.  I just need to be willing, He could use me.

We all sat and they filled me in on their loved ones steady decline. I could see their faces full of grief yet searching for a miracle. Not willing to give up.

Later I was asked if I would be comfortable entering the hospice room to pray over their family member.  She was only 43.  I was prepared for this question and knew I would do anything in my power to love them in this time. So off we went, my brave face on praying the whole time for the proper reactions and words.

Entering that room was one of the most sobering moments of my life.  To see this woman, someone so loved by her family and friends, reduced to a limp body with an oxygen mask. Unable to move, speak or communicate in any way.  My heart sank for this family.

Her mother and sister sat in chairs on either side of her as they draped their exhausted bodies over her lifeless self.  I stood behind my friend and began to beg and plead with God for a miracle. We praised him for his promises and gave our word to trust him in his decisions. Possibly easier said than done in this situation.

When we finished I found myself a hair and sat quietly, chiming in on conversation every now and then. Just trying to follow their lead and blend. Support.

We spent the rest of the evening talking, even laughing at times. I wasn't sure if I was helping in any way shape or form but I was determined to stay at my friends side until she fell asleep or kicked me out. Silently hoping maybe this would help but not all all sure how or why. So I just was. There. Sitting. Talking. Walking. Hugging. Staring. Whatever she needed.

Family came and went, said their goodbyes. I sat.

Midnight came and my friend had finally allowed herself to lay on the cot and began to get the sleepy eyed stare.  I let her know I'd stay if she needed but it looked like maybe she could actually get some rest. So I said my goodbyes and headed back home.

As I drove, the strangest feeling rose up within me. Of course you realize you need to love those around you and not take them for granted... but this was life changing for me.  I took complete inventory of the people in my life. I thought about how I love and what I offer to those in my life.  I thought about the legacy I would leave if I should pass unexpectedly.

All of the sudden I was angry. I felt alone and weak. I was dreading pulling into my home knowing my children were away with their dad and I'd be alone. If there was anywhere else I could have gone I'm sure I would have. Anything but alone.

The next day was a bust. I was a wreck. I didn't answer my phone. I cried all day. Never out of my pajamas. Yelled with big shouty all cap texts to my own mother. I was furious. To be honest I couldn't really tell you why. Maybe some generalities but that's it.

Some have said it was a spiritual warfare situation. Maybe.  I think it was feeling insignificant. That right there could very well be my biggest fear.

Anyway, I have been keeping in touch with my friend daily since Friday and not much has changed over there in hospice. My heart just aches.

She sits watching her flesh and blood fade away. Knowing what is most likely inevitable but still tying to cling on to a slight hope.

I'm not even sure how to end this post.  There are still so many questions yet to be answered.  Perhaps we can all remember this family in our prayers tonight. Send some love and comfort.

Oh, and don't miss an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Please. Please. Don't take life for granted.

It's An Exciting Day, Folks!!!

I (along with some other wonderful, talented writers) have been asked to be a part of the launch of a new blogging project as featured contributors!

We have launched the new site... TODAY...and I have a featured Sonora Webster post up available to check out..Click Here! to check out my very first published post!

Thank you to our fearless leader, Chrsitina C. Yother for launching this beautiful celebration for the underbloggers and inviting us to sit at her funky fresh lunch table of fun.

I am excited, proud and grateful to be among this group of writers.  Please show some love and head over to Project Underblog!

Happy Birthday to My Girlfriend Who is Totally My Boyfriend

Curious how that one works out, huh?

I have this friend.  We are so the Odd Couple and I love it. We could not be more different in so many ways!  but our quirkiness and weird just attracted each other and it stuck.  And I'm so glad it did.

Mrs. Neena has been my strength in messy messy times, my balance in the most unsturdy situations.  My calm. My crazy. My favorite giggle fit partner.  Sometimes I laugh because I think to myself (A sometimes overly lonely single mom )  "My goodness, this girl is so good to me.  She listens, she laughs, she encourages, she corrects...omg, she is so my boyfriend!  my girlfriend is so my boyfriend." I'm so twisted.

Either way.  My friend has strolled in, awkward swagger and all, and added a much needed love boost into my life and I am so grateful.

Today she turns 34 and this is just one example of why she is my favorite.  Yes, I have favorites. Don't judge.

Neena, you are crazy awkward, silly, fun, compassionate, loving, and wonderful. Thank You for being you to little ole me.  I love you.

Captain Underoos Forever!!!

I'll be your Edna, if you'll be my Esther...

Menopause Brain?

I have not visited with y'all (I pretend people actually read this!) lately because to be quite frank... I can't barely put complete sentences together!  Well, ones that make sense anyway!

I shared over a month ago my blog about the joys of entering menopause at age 29. Click here if you missed out on that fun!

It seems that one of my side effects is just a series of brain farts.

Plenty of people asking what's wrong and did they do something to offend me because I seem so distant.  Nope. just me, over here in my blank little hot flashy world. :)  Not paying a lick of attention to you because to tell it to ya straight...I pretty much don't care.  Love ya!

Just kinda busy in my own world.  my own hot, chubby, thoughtless world. :)

Hopefully I find some inspiration. Some wisdom nuggets.  (With my new food obsession now all I want are some nuggets.)

Yeah, mmmm nuggets.

she better not eat my nuggets too...b*tch

Knight In Shining Prius

Last night sucked.

My little boy spiked a fever out if nowhere and it wouldn't quit. I finally got it to stop with Tylenol after quickly approaching 103.2.

I posted in Facebook asking if anyone had experienced such a quick and hard hitting fever.

Within seconds my phone was beeping like the NASA control center at launch time! Texts, comments, private messages, phone calls...I couldn't keep up!

Within 3 minutes my phone is ringing (from Mr. Boy I told you about a while back that I ordered to date another woman....lol...if you missed that blog ya gotta hop back a few and read That Lovely Gentleman I Was Tellin' Y'all About post. Funny stuff)

He's on the line and before I can say hello he's asking "what do you need and how can I help?" Without so much as a moments hesitation he hopped in his car for a 30+ minute drive to scoop us up and accompany us to the ER.

I swear a little gray Prius has never looked so wonderful. I'm used to making these awful trips alone. This time it would have been trying to carry two sleepy children in the dow pour of rain and maneuver the Emergency Room shenanigans a hot mess!

Ah, but up strolled the Prius and a stand in parent for the night. I was so relieved.

All day today follow up texts, posts, messages poured in checking on my little guy.

I am so thankful for community. So thankful there are people who care beyond just themselves and their needs.

What could have been a terrible, lonely, wet night turned out to be full of ER room laughs, tons of love and warm fuzzies.

Highlight moment: Pulljng away from hospital as goofball Mr. Boy is screaming "I don't feel safe at hoooome! I don't feel safe at hooooome!" (Finding fun in the nurse needing to ask us this question for typical safety protocol) I swear I was dying, waiting to see the flashing lights.

All in all... Good community is rad. Thanks, good folks of my little community. Y'all are good stuff.

A Very Merry UnAnniversary To Me!

So instead of celebrating my would be 8th wedding anniversary I am walking into school trying to piece together a better existence for my little family.

There may have been a time this would have made me sad, reflect on what could have been...but not anymore.

Things were awful. They were from the beginning and only got worse.

Getting up off the ground and pulling myself together enough to take baby steps toward a better future was the best choice I have made in years.

Never in a million years would I want to have children growing up in a broken home. But this life I have created for them is far more whole than anything I could have given them had I not left. We have hope now.

I'm not the type to ever celebrate a divorce. It is tragic in any case. However, I refuse to wallow in grief and resent what I should have or could have had.

I will rejoice in the new life we live. I will be grateful for the lessons I have learned. Embrace the struggles that have made me a deeper more insightful and compassionate woman.

Life doesn't always go according to our plan. But we can choose how we react to those little twists in our path.