Singing at Midnight

That's right, folks! I'm that lucky girl!  Menopause at 29!

Let me back up and explain a bit...

For the last couple of years I have experienced seemingly random medical issues that were just so crummy.  (Fair Warning: Following symptoms not for the weak tummy friends!)

It all started when I got my period...and it would NOT go away!  I saw my Dr after a month and a half of this madness and she just said it's just my body getting older and making adjustments, bla bla bla.  "After all, you're almost 30 now."  Yeah. Gee, thanks.

She was a bit more willing to listen after I was back in her office another month and a half later with the same problem.  3 months straight of being on your period.  Awesome. (Can you feel my excitement?!)

Next came a series of equally crummy crap. (Medical terminology. I hope you can keep up with my endless vocabulary of impressiveness)  My weight shot up by a good 15 lbs.  When you are 5'2 and about 120lbs, this is a major problem.  I popped right out of all of my clothing and was a hot mess.

And then there is the acne. Gotta love being a grown adult, a mother of two and a full face of painful, gross cystic acne. It was so horrendous and lasted for over a year and a half. Now I have the gift of being covered in nasty scars and my skin has been ravaged.

Issue after issue kept coming up.  Pain in abdomin, oddly high cholesterol, blotchy skin discoloration, having to get up to use the restroom on average 4-5 times each night and the hunched over in pain for days kind of constipation. (You are welcome for the delicious visual) And let's not forget the gut wrencher...the inability to concieve naturally.

It took countless doctor appointments, 6 or 7 different doctors and specialists to finally figure out that I had a combination of Endometriosis and PCOS (Polysyctic Ovarian Syndrome). It all sounded like gibberish to me.

Unfortunately neither of these conditions have any cure. This was my "new normal".  I was less than thrilled.

I scheduled surgery to attempt to relieve some of the abdominal pain caused by the endometriosis immediatley. Recovery was rough and I'm not so sure how much it actually helped.

So the kicker. "We want to set your body into a temporary premature state of menopause"  You can imagine my confusion and shock.  All I knew about menopause was it was for old ladies. They complained about sticking their heads in freezers because they were so miserably hot and went batcrap crazy freaking out their loved ones with all their emotional rollercoasters!  Sign me up!?!?!

She explained that the drug, Lupron, would shut down my girly parts giving my "angry uterus" time to settle and heal from so much trauma experienced over the years.  Ohhhhhkay. My angry Uterus. That's a new one.

I took all my new information and somehow managed to autopilot myself home. Trying to digest my "new normal".   About 18 pills a day.

As a single woman it was exceptionally exciting to be in a new relationship while entering this new phase. This poor guy had no idea what he signed up for!

I had my moments of "why me" and "this sucks" but then realized I had a choice to make.  I could pout and be miserable, taking anyone around down with me.  Or... I could give this menopause crap the middle finger and fight like hell!

I am about a month and a half into the treatment now.  Ideally they wanted me on 2 3 month injections. A total of 6 months of treatment.

I will say I am fighting and refuse to give up.  I will also say there have been battles that I felt like the illness won. Days I cried like a baby and missed church becasue I couldn't pull myself together.  Days I yelled at the kids knowing full well it was not justified.  Days I couldn't bring myself to blog becuase I felt like the menopause had just stolen my brain. I could not create and write. (I am still nervous that this post is even logical or worth crap)  It absolutely plays with your mind.

As well as your mind, it plays with your body.  I had lost all of the weight by hard work and strict diet and was incredibly proud of myself.  Well, every single pound is back.  It only took about a month to gain nearly 12ish pounds. I feel like a lazy failure in this department.  The ugly truth is that I have the compulsions to eat all day, every day.  As if nothing will satisfy my unrest and anxiety other than food. And lots of it.  I inhale it like a person who has been starved. Complete binge eating.  It frightens me that I can't seem to control this part.

I learned that I am losing my health insurance about 3/4 of the way into this treatment plan.  So, I have decided to not take the second injection of Lupron. I can't lie and say I'm not a bit relieved to try and find some normalcy again.  I just went back to school and trying to study and progress in studies is proving to be quite the challenge with menopause brain.

I have faced a lot of adversity and challenges in my little life.  I can now add menopause to the lovely list.  I hope I can look back and say I kicked its booty but that is yet to be determined. (It may be a more accurate study to ask those around me that had to put up with me during this trial!)