Snarglebarf...

...means I have no words...

Tonight my heart was rocked. 

An email came to me through the women I volunteer with at church saying there was a single mom with 5 children who had landed on some difficult times and would not be able to provide gifts for her children this Christmas.

This familiar deep deep rooted mixture of wild emotions washed over me and I knew I had to jump in both feet first.

See, for the past 2 years I have been in her shoes. I am a single mom and first time college student, trying desperately to earn a better life for my family.  If we couldnt afford to barely keep up with rent or a new coat during the winter, Christmas gifts were surely out of the question.

I have looked my (then) 6 year old son in the face and as gently as Ipossibly could, explained that we would not be exchanging gifts that year but that I knew his grandparents would do their best to try an make is special with a few things when we got down there. (Still wasn't sure how I was going to buy the gas to actually get them there)

My son looked me in the eye and without budging said :It's ok, mommy. I'm okay with just a few things from Grandma and Papa. Mom, do you want to have my money from my piggy bank? You can have it!" 

I just cried happy tears that my boy was learning what is really important in this life. Not the gifts and shiny things, but love. Family. Compassion. Grace. My heart was overflowing.

Even now I'm not sure how we will make it through the holidays but that is not even on my worry radar screen. God has been so merciful and gracious to my little family.

I am mostly excited (like ridiculously excited) to play a small role in knowing the joy, the love that this other single mom will get to experience when her whole list is completely filled by strangers who support her! THAT is the good stuff.  THAT is Christmas.  THAT is love.  ove should be a verb. You DO love. SHOW love. BE love.

This, my friends, is what I live for. What an incredibly meaningful night.

I am so grateful that I am learning how to live a joyous life through loving and serving others. It is truly unlike anything I have ever known.

Mrs. Lady Jane (Throwback Thursday Feb/2008)

I met Mrs. Lady Jane today by accident. No, literally…she hit our car.

I was at the docks waiting to go test my dads new super cool boat out when it took longer than expected so the girls decided to go get food for everyone. So my friend Kenessa, my brother’s girlfriend, Jenny and I hopped into Kenessa’s car to get some grub. K drove and I sat shotgun with Jenny in the backseat of the compact car. Anyway, on our way back (we were only like 4 miles from the dock) all of the sudden we look over and notice that the car to our right (it was only a 2 lane road) was coming over and in that slight second you think “surely they will correct their mistake and get back…crash!” We all screamed as this little old lady sandwiched us with her big old station wagon.

Immediately I went into emergency mom mode and checked on Kenessa’s ability to hold it all together (by the way…she handled it like a rockstar) and began to asses the situation and lead her off to the side of the road. After realizing we were all unharmed my focus went to “who is this person and what am I going to have to fight against to prove this was not our fault!” Well, out stepped sweet old Jane. Sure, she was old as dirt and probably shouldn't even have had a license… but I could not help but reach out. She fumbled and shook and just apologized profusely. She was so upset with herself and embarrassed.

We made the appropriate phone calls and waited for the police. It must have been slammin’ in the ghettos of the old Palm Coast because they sure did take their time. So during our good hour with Mrs. Jane we began to get to know her story. After not too long I realized this meeting was no “accident.”

Mrs. Jane was on her way home from visiting her dying husband in hospice. He is suffering from demetia. She has 2 family members left but they live across the nation and in her words her and her husband were not fortunate enough to have children, so she is alone.

She had made a statement that she had never been in an accident before so me, trying to lighten her load made a comment about what a great driving record she must have and she should be proud.

Well, she says (only to break my sappy heart) that she has never driven much because her husband alwaysdid that for her and now he is unable. How romantic and tragic at the same time. (She STILL shouldnt have that dang license though! hehaaa)

So after our time together and caring and loving on Mrs Lady Jane we said goodbye but not before we shouted to her “Oh, by the way, you have just adopted 3 grand daughters today!” She smiled and almost cried. We told her to call us if she needed assistance or just a friend. She seemed so genuinely appreciative and was happy to tell us that she would take us up on our offer.

Now, we are not superheroes or ultra wonderful people. We are average, young girls but it was neat to watch God use us. The whole time I was with her I kept wanted to invite her to church…granted the bass and drums may but her bedside to her husband…I think she would love the company. (I thought I might wait til after this Sunday’s pornography/sex study…but then I guesss you never know! so kidding.)

You just never know someone’s story. I wonder what it would be like if we took the time to get to know one another. How many people could you reach and touch? Do you trust God that He will make you capable to offer something so great to one another?

It was a neat experience and so funny that all 4 of us walked away from this situation feeling love, trust, respect, compassion, pride, and so much joy. It was a freakin’ car accident! Hello? Did it shake our brains a little too much? How cool when you let yourself see the light in the midst of a dark situation. Give it a try! You may surprise yourself! I did.

Goodnight, Mrs. Lady Jane. We will say special prayers for you tonight.

Feel That Tug?!

Do you ever have days your heart is so heavy for another person you feel their pain?  What about feeling so heavy for another yet you have no idea why? You just wake up feeling a pull toward them or a curiosity about their well-being. Unexplainable.  Just something deep down in your gut.

This morning is one of those mornings.  A person, so heavy on my heart it hurts.  And I have no idea why.  Just a pull, a pain, a tug toward loving them at that particular moment.

I always try to listen to those tugs.  To call or text that person and tell them you are thinking of them. Or you love them. Or whatever that nagging feeling might be.

Is anyone tugging at you today? Anyone you can bless with a pick me up message?  An "I Love you"?

I'm Pretty Sure You Aren't Supposed to Cry Like A Baby While On A Date...

Yesterday was my Birthday. :)  Happy Birthday, me.

I had a date planned with a lovely gentleman I have been dating for a couple of months now.  We sat over a nice, relaxing lunch in Midtown swapping stories, laughing, teasing and carrying on.  He had gotten up and I pulled my cell phone out to soak up all the sweet Birthday wishes via text, Facebook, etc.  I was glowing as he returned and he looked at me like I was a nut.

Quickly my glow turned to what I think must have looked like a look of concern maybe.  He begins to probe "Babe, what is wrong?"  I start to tear up and turn red. "Hun, please, what is going on? Are you ok?" Now I'm fully crying staring at the glow of my screen. I need to get to my tissues in my purse and can't quite get words out. So I just hand him my phone as I wipe my running mascara and watch his face sweep a sweet smile across and hand me my phone back.

See, a few days ago I was in a rough spot. Feeling overwhelmed by my struggles and succumbed to feeling defeated.  I post a blog entry spilling my feelings over this hardship.  Well, apparently, unknowingly to me, someone very special was reading it on the complete opposite side of the country.  Someone I know very little but have come to appreciate very much.

As I sobbed like an idiot over my lunch I read this Facebook message: (I have deleted any names for privacy.

"I have been reading your blogs lately, which are so wonderfully written! I can relate in many ways. I struggled in college with money all the time! My husband and I lived off of Del Taco, I swear! And I was raised by a single mom, so I totally understand the stress that can bring. Being a mom is hard enough, I can't imagine doing it alone. Well, after a TON of hard work, my husband and I are in a place where we can afford to help out others here and there. I logged on to Facebook today and saw it was your birthday, and I think you deserve some pampering. I know you are in Georgia, so I went to yelp and found a fabulous spa and bought you a massage. I am obsessed with massages, I hope you are too! The gift card will be sent to your email and you can print it out and take it to the spa (Please let me know if you have any problems getting it).They have several locations around Georgia so hopefully you can find one close to you. I included enough for gratuity, so you are all set. Have a wonderful birthday...and remember you are a rockstar Mama!!"

I am tearing up all over again as I read it now.

Let me tell you what this did for me...besides hook a mama up with a fancy schmancy massage that I'm super pumped about!  No, it gave me so much more. I was floored that my words, my struggles, my efforts may, just may have touched someones heart.  Someone cared about me enough to feel compassion and take action to someone they barely know. It  gave me hope, encouragement, excitement and an overwhelming humble, grateful heart.

The love and compassion shown through this angel of a woman has lifted my spirits and shown me love that I very much needed.  As a single mom there aren't many people around to pat you on the back and let you know you are doing a good job. Especially when your family is in another state and the other parent is no help and is degrading and awful. It can leave you feeling insignificant and like you are constantly runnin on empty.

All in all I wanted to share this amazing gesture, my gratitude and hope. I will surely be paying this forward the moment my situation allows me to.  I hope this inspires someone to reach out in kindness as this lovely woman did to me. :)

t.h.a.n.k.y.o.u.